heartbreak and forgiveness

I know I was a bastard. You were too sweet, and I too cruel. You believed in love and hope, two ideas I couldn't stomach at the time of our sweet embrace. I hope all is well.

"Momentos que te dejan volando. Momentos como ayer." (part of a letter I once wrote him.)

Essentially I am apologizing for being a foolish boy in a man's body. I have my reasons for being a coward in this life, they are much too hard to explain. I just never wanted you to hate me, to think less of me, for not knowing what to do with this life, this cruel gift given to me by some unknown dreamer.

Ps. I hope that I don't come across as some creep. For some reason I can only feel in hindsight. You are not the first girl I have done this to and you will not be the last. This is my pathetic attempt to piece together my scattered life and understand a little more about myself and the people around me. Oh yeah, I made it to England. People are weird here, or maybe it is just me!

Dear ___,

You are a sweet memory.

I cannot say that the abrupt ending of what felt like a dreamy little romance didn't hurt. I was shaken out of a dream, and it was a beautiful dream, I didn't want to wake up.

I forgive everything, if there is anything to forgive.

In time, I realized that I too was mistaken in some of my actions/expectations. My eagerness to live the love that I believed in blinded me to reason. I held you to the expectations of that love, and what a daunting task it is to love without reservations.

You are who you are, and regardless of whatever hurt our adventure caused, in the end I will always like you as you are. Whether you are the coward you claim to be, whether you are immune to the idealized love I once offered, you are a soul that I will never forget.

Your note was an unexpected surprise, but a sweet one.

I hope England will afford you with a million unforgettable experiences.

All is well here, actually, all is better than it has ever been. I think I can thank the introspection that came out of our experience for that.

Love,

D